“Hey Conor, can we meet at 11am on Saturday morning?”, “No, I’ve got my Zumba class with Karen then”……
Is this useful? Does my response help the other person in any other way apart from telling them that that one time does not suit? No, it doesn’t. If anything, it begins a long string of useless, back and forth, time wasting texts. We engage in these conversations all the fucking time.
“What do you want for dinner?”, “I don’t know, you choose.”
If we look at the opening example. What time can you do? Is this Saturday morning time slot a recurring problem? Why does it matter you’re doing Zumba with Karen anyway?
Everyone’s time is valuable to them, regardless of how they choose to spend it, so respect that. “It’s up to Jeremy to present me with 34 options and I will choose the most suitable. My time is important!” In these scenarios, decisions are between two people. It requires both parties to take decisive action for the benefit of the whole.
So, can I be more useful? Yes, yes you can.
Think, if Richard Branson asked to meet you, you would drop everything you had to make it happen or give him a list of suitable times the length of your leg. Primarily because of how valuable the experience would be but also because you assume his time is incredibly valuable.
“I don’t like what you’re wearing”
In the case of “constructive criticism,” most people are horrific at both giving and receiving. It’s not constructive if it doesn’t give any suggestion for improvement, it’s simply criticism.
A building is constructed, a sentence is constructed. A builder can’t construct a building by telling the bricks that they are shit. Tell me what you like. What is it specifically you don’t like? How could I improve? What am I doing wrong in your opinion?
Complaining about something without suggesting a solution is called whining. Is whining useful? Maybe if you’re a dog and it’s your way of letting me know you want out for a walk. Are you a dog? Are you incapable of using your words to tell me what you need? I would imagine not.
Look, this particular trait is my current pet peeve (I know, centre myself, focus on what I can control etc etc) BUT you wouldn’t lend your car to someone if it was missing a steering wheel so stop giving information that is missing vital parts. Be fucking useful.