Wheatley believes the world can be changed if we start listening to each other through simple, truthful conversation. In these conversations she urges us to treasure curiosity. Explore avenues that aren’t predictable.
Most of our decisions are driven by perceived certainty of outcome. I will accept this job paying more money because it will provide me with a better quality of life. The idea that more money will deliver a better quality of life has merit but is it the right question? Will the money provide a better quality of life against the added responsibility of the role?
Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.
The ‘conversation’ is any talk that you’re having with yourself. The internal dialogue that governs how you act, such as “I’m not good in social situations, so i’ll make an effort to avoid them”. We get very comfortable with this behaviour and because this internal dialogue is so convincing, we stop asking if the behaviour is serving us or mastering us. Because of this habit, we treat these behaviours as defining characteristics “It’s just who I am!”. Which leads us to think it can’t be changed.
Change, whilst generally beneficial, can be difficult to initiate. If we treat change with curiosity instead of expecting certainty then we are having a different conversation. We fear change because we fear making the wrong decision but often that’s fearing a bad outcome, which is different. Annie Dukes’ book “Thinking In Bets” looks at separating the outcome of a a decision from the quality of the decision itself. Duke, whose background is in Professional Poker has built a life on making calculated decisions that involve risk.
Decisions are bets on the future, and they aren’t “right” or “wrong” based on whether they turn out well on any particular iteration. – Annie Duke
You can have facts, research, lawful contracts and things still don’t turn out the way you expect. So treasure curiosity when it comes to looking at life.