When you can’t figure out quite what you want, start by figuring out what you don’t want.
It’s generally much easier to identify the qualities you dislike in a person than the qualities you must have. Same if you’re confronted with an overwhelmingly varied menu at a great restaurant.
It’s not the answer but it’s a starting point. Once you’ve started it’s much easier to fine tune. Even then, you might order the veal and it wasn’t quite to your liking. That’s life. You’ll just have to go back and order differently next time. Maybe when you get what you want, you find out it’s not actually what you thought it would be.